she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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