So many bounce houses so little time
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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