i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
sarcasm needs its own font
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
