Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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