the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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