Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
