Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You can't special order awesome
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
