I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize