no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
