How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
