I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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