All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
