I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
