I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
