everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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