i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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