I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
