Michael Bay diarrhea
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
