I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize