And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Come on in and take your pants off
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