DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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