You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
