I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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