a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
