The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
