There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
