We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
