is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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