No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize