I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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