A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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