It's like God shit irony all over that family
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
