You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
