If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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