Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude i'm inner monologue high
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
