I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
