then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
