Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
