it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
