mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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