that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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