Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
