you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
