Swine flu. Run for my life!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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