This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
