I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
