i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
