I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
