she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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