It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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