____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
