the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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