he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
