So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
