Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
