so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
