my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
