Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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