He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
