My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
