Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize