Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
