So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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