i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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