i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
