I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize