Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize