You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
