Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
