the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
