so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
