On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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