I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's a naked man in my car right now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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