I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Text me some of your sweat
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
