Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i dont even know how to be here
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
