I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
